But probably won’t

Slugs need a new image. And Oprah’s the one who could give it to them. Her influence, commonly known as the “O” Factor, can rocket the market into a buying frenzy.

In 2005, Oprah threw a Kashwere robe on a conference table at a producer’s meeting. Immediately her staff added the robe to her “Favorite Things” show. Pete Seltzer, CEO of Kashwere, said sales zoomed into the stratosphere after the comfy robe appeared on Oprah’s Favorite Things episode.

“For six consecutive weeks we could not get a call out, the phones were hammered and we did thousands and thousands of Internet orders.” Oprah’s power to persuade has bestowed companies like Kashwere as well as authors, diet gurus, and Dr. Phil with enormous fame, wealth and prestige.

That got me to thinking. Gardeners loathe, despise and revile slugs. But with a nod from Oprah, slugs could go from “Wanted: Dead and Not Alive” to movie star glamour. I can envision the transformation. It begins with Oprah standing before her TV audience as a slug slimes its way onto her stage. “This is the coolest of my favorite things,” Oprah enthuses, “Isn’t she — or is it he? — just adorable! See the oozing shimmering trail? This slug is the real deal.”

Staff photo/Ian Gleadle
Oooooh! You want to know how to get rid of them, right?

That’s all a slug would need. One Oprah TV appearance and a slug’s approval rating would shoot from zero to 100. Paris Hilton would carry one in her Gucci handbag. People would call their local nurseries asking for “Oprah’s” slugs. Maybe Martha Stewart would help and offer luxury flannel sheet-sets in banana slug-print. Gardeners would suddenly brag about the slugs in their garden. “The slugs are so precious. They chewed my hostas to a nub,” one says. The other tries to one-up and announces, “Do you have a garden with nothing left like I do? Hmm?”

Toy stores begin stocking shelves with “Tickle Me Sluggo.” Ballet companies promote “Dance of the Sugar Plum Slugs” at Christmas Nutcracker performances. Oprah’s favorite gooey gastropod body cream causes an ordering nightmare at department stores.

Until Oprah comes through with an endorsement for slugs, the slithery beasts will have to continue living as objects of contempt. Slugs will carry on with their missions of destruction. Gardeners will persist in seeking their annihilation. Chowing down on the prized dahlias with bionic jaws and radula affixed with thousands of backward pointing, replaceable teeth will continue to be “uncool.”

A couple of the chewing culprits include the common gray field slug (Agriolimax reticulatum), which varies in color from gray to brown to buff, and the large black slug (Arion ater). The banana slug (Ariolimax columbianus) prefers the tasty lushness of forested habitats over home gardens.

Although the banana slug is indigenous to the Pacific Northwest, most slugs in the region are non-native. The introduced species rode in on plants and produce from Europe, Asia and the Eastern United States.

But you just want to know how to get rid of them, right? Susie Egan, president of the Cottage Lake Garden Club, has the answer. “The most effective way of eradicating slugs is to coordinate slug bait application with the slug’s life cycle, she says, adding, “The best time to bait around here is in late September or early October, as the first rains occur. Slug activity increases as the cool temperatures and moist nights stimulate them to mate and lay eggs. This timing is key to disrupting the life cycle. At this time you are trying to bait before the eggs are laid. But if you somehow miss that, those eggs should hatch in 2-4 weeks and a second application should help control the newly hatched slugs. The next most effective time is in late winter/early spring once you see new slug activity. If you stick to this schedule for a year or two, you’ll virtually eradicate them unless you bring new ones in with the new plants.”

Susie suggests using less toxic slug baits such as Sluggo, which are safe for pets and wildlife. When I asked her if baby slugs go for Sluggo since the pellets might be too large, Susie cited garden author Marianne Binetti “… new less-toxic slug baits coming on the market work well on even tiny baby slugs.”

For those of you wondering about beer traps, Susie said they have a couple of drawbacks. Buying beer all the time can take a chunk out of the grocery budget. Not only that, Susie discovered the neighborhood dogs loved the beer more than the slugs.

Horticulturist Amy Ockerlander at the Natural Lawn and Garden Hotline at Seattle Tilth offers a few additional insights. “Don’t give the slugs a hiding place,” she says. “If you have loads of leaf litter, you’ll have a lot of slugs. Find out where they’re living. And look at what’s going on in your environment. Then decide what might work best [as a deterrent]. Do you need a physical barrier? Sluggo? Or diatomaceous earth?”

Amy explained that diatomaceous earth is fossilized remains of diatoms, a type of hard-shelled algae. “When the slugs slither over it, it cuts them up,” she says, adding, “Also, slugs follow each other’s slime trails. If you disturb their trails, they have to forge new ground.”

If Oprah wants to forge new ground, she might consider placing slugs on her next “Favorites” list. Paris will name her slug Tinkerbell.