Walrus and Carpenter
April 3: Two athletically inclined Woodinville police officers were out on bicycle patrol when they spotted a suspicious gentleman near an area movie theater, swaying back and forth on his feet, looking a mite unsteady.
Tweedledum informed police that he had just been kicked out of the theater by management, just as another man, who turned out to be his brother Tweedledee, emerged from the side door of the same theater.
Tweedledee attempted several diversion techniques to avoid police detection as he wandered away, but officers ordered him to stop nevertheless. It took a few tries before he complied, slowed as he must have been by the evident effects of intoxication.
An orange liquid seeped from the sweatshirt he wore, which turned out to be one of those orthographically challenged flavored malt beverages.
Tweedledee blamed his brother for the injustice of being kicked out of the theater, which he attributed exclusively to Tweedledum’s intoxication.
Tweedledum denied that intoxication was to blame for his untimely involuntary departure.
This was, in fact, accurate: theater staff informed police that the two had been kicked out for lighting cigarettes during the movie.
April 4: A Woodinville police officer was dispatched to address a report of a stationary vehicle being rammed repeatedly by a sedan, whose driver fled soon after the report was made.
At the scene, the officer saw two young men crouched behind the stationary vehicle. They readily identified themselves, telling the officer that they had been inspecting the vehicle thinking it was for sale due to the lengthy duration of its immobilization at this location.
They had no insight into how it came to be damaged, however, and were released from the scene.
The officer looked more closely at the stationary vehicle, but found it was impossible to determine whether damage to its body was new or old.
It was evident, though, that it had not been in use for some time. This was not for lack of trying; a metallic object was located in its ignition, but tests proved it was insufficient for starting the vehicle.
Its interior was filthy. A family of mice had taken up residence under the driver’s seat.
The registered owner was nowhere to be found, nor were there any cars in the area matching the description of the rogue sedan.
April 6: Police responded to a commercial alarm at an area tobacco outlet.
The glass front door had been smashed by a large rock sitting on the ground amid shards of glass.
The store was unoccupied and damage was evident everywhere.
Cartons of cigarettes were strewn about and several shelves had been completely emptied.
The owner arrived to provide a rough estimate of the number of cartons that had been taken, but a full inventory would be needed to arrive at a final figure. Video surveillance revealed two well disguised men approaching the store with large plastic bins.
One man used the aforementioned rock to smash the door. The theft that followed was conveniently captured on tape as well. Investigation continues.