Police Beat - Sept. 12, 2011

  • Written by Compiled by Maggie Inahara from City of Woodinville Police Reports

You can dress me up in diamonds

A well-known Woodinville transient decided to dress up his act in a local retail store and concluded that three particular necklaces provided the polished and accessorized appearance he was hoping for.  Apparently, he was also hoping for a deep discount for his bling, as he was observed pocketing the purloined ornaments and making an exit, stage right.

There was no second act for this parsimonious performer and he was asked to take his bows in the back of a squad car.

But, I didn’t inhale

A local fellow wasn’t feeling the lunch munchies quite yet as the midday hour rolled around, so he engaged in the partaking of a certain herbal substance well known for enhancing the appetite.

The aforementioned appetizer was served up in the comfort and convenience of his auto, with no need for tray table attachment or extra napkins. Alas, the person approaching the vehicle was not on roller skates nor serving up an entrée or root beer float.

As the haze started to clear, the familiar blue uniform and badge revealed that he was about to go on a different type of trip, this time to the police station.

Six-Pack without working out!

You’ve seen the ads: Get those six-pack abs without all the work!

And what is three times as good as that six-pack? That would be an 18-pack — once again without all the work! A woman described as being in her early twenties apparently took this notion to heart, as she was observed pinching an 18-pack of frosty brew from a local mini-mart and exiting without so much as a sit up or crunch — much less flexing a Carpi Radialis or Ulnaris to remove one of those heavy double-sawbucks from her wallet.

Our light-fingered lass’s exit was as smooth and relaxed as most peoples’ stomach muscles and she remains at large.

Urine the wrong place

Some of the country’s finest and most beautiful wineries call Woodinville home.  The beautiful landscaping, the classic architecture, the occasional peacock in a full display of captivating colors.

Combine that with the gorgeous weather we’ve been having, gentle breezes and the sweet smell of summer flowers.  Ah — nature.  And in one fellow’s case, the call of nature.

In spite of this winery’s lovely lavatories for those in need of a rest, our naughty nature boy decided he could not break the spell of the moment, nor make a break for the aforementioned accommodations.

The Garden of Eden may have tolerated this behavior with a wink and a pass, but this particular garden takes a very dim view of people who pee in public places.  Snap out of it, Son!

Next time, take a march to the latrines, or face another charge of indecent exposure.

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