Police Beat - June 25, 2012

I Want I-Phone

A shopper in the 13900 block of NE 178th Place took her eyes off her shopping cart momentarily, only to find that her I-phone had been spirited away.  Here’s hoping that the thief momentarily enjoyed the two cores in the A5 chip and up to seven times faster graphics with 8 megapixels and all-new optics. A retroactive “I want” would be an I-Phone tracking app.

Ding Dong—Scrounger Calling

An Avon rep in the 15500 block of 135th Place NE discovered that two boxes of Avon products had been stolen from her front porch after the UPS delivery.  Although the pilferer didn’t leave any clues behind, it is assumed that they slithered back into whatever scum-covered body of water from where these bottom feeders live and breed.

Dionysus vs. Ares

A concert-going reveler in a wine-related music venue near NE 145th Street consumed a bit too much fruit of the vine and was overcome by a sudden feeling of talent.  Police attempted to remove him from the stage area, but he refused to follow their fairly simple instructions.  Apparently imbued with intoxicant superpowers, our imbiber managed to kick all attending officers to the ground. The man was placed in a taxi to go home and will be cited for trespassing.

Unintended Presents

A parking lot patron reported his briefcase, computer and cell phone stolen from his unlocked vehicle while parked in the 13900 block of NE 175th Street. Oh, trusting soul, even when you lock it, chances are, you’ll still lose it. Please don’t leave valuables in your car unless you don’t mind “gifting” them to miscreants.

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