Police Beat - Dec. 5, 2011

  • Written by Compiled by Maggie Inahara from City of Woodinville Police Reports

Triple Dog Dare

It’s that time of the year again when temperatures are dropping and thoughts start turning to that age-old question: Do things really freeze to poles once contact is made.

It must have been a triple dog dare (TDD) which caused a man to test this theory in the 15100 block of NE Woodinville Duvall Road. (Heck, anyone could have told him this only works with tongues, not car bumpers.)

When police responded to the TDD, they found damage to the utility pole; however, the risk-taker was MIA.

A check of the registered owner’s address found the driver replacing his tire.

He said he didn’t notice the damage to the pole. He got a C+ on that excuse, was cited for hit and run and booted down a long exit slide.

One Man’s Treasure ...

... is apparently another man’s junk.

A burglar broke into a residence in the 15000 block of NE 173rd Street and started ripping open boxes with a childlike glee normally reserved for Christmas morning. Apparently, he didn’t find a Red Ryder BB gun with a compass in the stock, or anything else on his wish list, as nothing appears to have been taken at this time.

It’s just as well, as he probably would have shot his eye out.

Auto Deposit

A woman in the 13900 block of NE 145th Street must have been in a special hurry, as she and her car took a short cut down a bank.

A witness helped her make her withdrawal from the car.  Thankfully, there were no deposits of blood, or anything else made.  You can take this to the bank: She was processed for DUI and released.

Auto Withdrawal

In a recurring theme these past few weeks, automobile windows have been broken and the purses inside withdrawn. The two latest incidents happened at NE 145th Woodinville-Redmond Road and the 18100 block of 140th Avenue NE.

Please remember: Purses are like babies and dogs.  You should never leave them in the car by themselves.

Police Beat - Nov. 28, 2011

  • Written by Compiled by Maggie Inahara from City of Woodinville Police Reports

Smoke and a Purse

A shopper went into a business in the 14200 block of Woodinville Duvall Road and left her purse in her unlocked car.

While one could spend some time pondering the mysteries of what one could possibly be shopping for without said purse, as most purchases require the kind of remuneration normally found in purses, I digress.  When she returned to her car, she noticed the aroma of smoke. Perhaps a cigarette butt had stuck to the bottom of her shoe? (This happened to me recently.)

Maybe it was an odor emanating from another motorist’s rolled down window? The entire ride was spent contemplating the possibilities of the origin of this tobacco effluvium.  When she went to grab her purse to continue the rumination inside, she came up empty handed. Austin Powers (or some other thief) had gone for the smoke and a the purse.

Getting Tired

The holidays are just beginning and people are already tired—as in slash tired.

While the majority of holiday makers are stringing lights and mistletoe, shopping or getting busy with the baking, some person or persons has been busy in the most decidedly un-merry mode of slashing tires.

In three separate instances which may or may not be related, tires on cars on NE 140th, NE 180th and NE 185th, were slashed. The only suspect reported so far was seen exiting a blue sports car with a spoiler, and was attired in a hoodie and orange shorts. Crimes of fashion aside, someone needs to get their Santa on and start cutting loose with the holiday instead of tires.

Lock It or Lose It

Bicycle locks are much more effective when you use them.   This lesson was learned the hard way by a victim in the 17900 block of 140th Lane NE, when he returned to where he had left his bicycle outside the apartment with the lock around the bike, but not fastened. The bike was gone so fast, there wasn’t even a hint of a vapor trail left behind. At least make them put some effort into it…

Lock It and Lose It Anyway

Sometimes, you can take all available precautions and a determined thief will get their booty anyway.

A padlock was cut from the victim’s gate surrounding a rental yard in the 13600 block of NE 177th Place.  A company truck was stolen, but while the officer was taking the report, Seattle PD found the truck abandoned in their city.  Joy ride over.

Police Beat - Nov. 21, 2011

  • Written by Compiled by Maggie Inahara from City of Woodinville Police Reports

How Much Is That Purse In The Window?

Unfortunately for a Ross Store employee, a would-be purse shopper was eyeballing the purse in her Kia Spectra parked out front, rather than the purses displayed in the store.  With a quick rap of a blunt tool, the passenger window became pebbles upon terra firma and the purse with contents disappeared faster than a cat at bath time.  Always remember: Locks keep honest people honest.  Take it with you, or consider it a donation for the devious.

Barista Bummer

It sounds like our largest shopping area parking lot is becoming a favored target for foragers, pillagers and thieves.  The only thing more dismaying than finding your window smashed and your purse stolen is finding your entire vehicle MIA.  Just feet away from the purloined purse caper at Ross, a very bummed barista from B&N returned to her parking spot to find something other than her 1995 black Honda Accord awaiting her return.  The prognosis for recovery is not good, as this is one of the most popular cars for parts among street racers.  Bummer, indeed!

Picture Perfect Penmanship

A graffiti artist must have taken umbrage over a recent report of poor graffiti penmanship on a Dairy Queen light pole.  This time, a stencil was used for a more easily deciphered dialogue on a fence in the Winchester Hills area. With neatness that would have made any teacher proud, the unfortunate choice of media makes us all pained over the trouble and expense of eradicating this rude rascality.  Take thy “art” elsewhere and save the perfect penmanship for purer purposes.

Hot Commodity

In a caper rivaling the 2003 Antwerp Diamond Heist, a desperado described as a 16-18-year-old white male wearing a grey hooded sweatshirt absconded with an undisclosed number of Bic lighters from an AM-PM mini mart.

The getaway vehicle was described as a silver Honda Accord. There are currently no further clues to this brazen act of cleptoflamia.  Concert-goers should be on the lookout for any suspicious flame wavers matching the suspect’s description.  Don’t they know there’s a free App for that?

Police Beat - Nov. 14, 2011

  • Written by Compiled by Maggie Inahara from City of Woodinville Police Reports

The Biggest Loser

It’s hard enough to get motivated to go to the gym — what possibly could be less inspiring than having your purse containing your phone, money and keys stolen out of your locker while you’re working up that sweat?

Although there are currently no suspects, one has to hope that if someone is eventually caught, they are sentenced to 500 continuous hours of Sweatin’ to the Oldies, wearing candy-striped Dolfin shorts and tank tops decorated with Swarovski crystals.

I’ll take a cheeseburger, fries and a nap

Maybe it was a turkey burger with tryptophan which caused such sudden sleepiness in the lass found napping by police in a local fast food establishment.

It could have been a simple case of mistaken identity whereby the booth bore a striking resemblance to her bed at home. It definitely wasn’t the aroma of Thanksgiving emanating from her person, but an odor familiar to those well-schooled in the essence of illegal botanical substances.

A simple inquiry confirmed that our Z-logger was indeed in possession of a small amount of the greenish ganja, but not to worry. This actually belonged to her boyfriend, and she was merely holding it for him. Our “mari” miss was arrested, fingerprinted and cited for possession.

Before He Cheats

Right then, he was probably slow dancing

With a bleached-blond tramp

She was probably getting frisky.

Right then, he was probably buying

Her some fruity little drink

‘Cause she couldn’t shoot whiskey.

And he don’t know:

That she poured paint and scratched up all the sides of his pretty little souped-up 4-wheel drive.

Spread dog poopy all up and down the outside door where the car could be found.

(O.K., the tune ends here)

The deputy’s investigation located a female suspect who later admitted to the crime.  She was fingerprinted and released with pending felony malicious mischief charges.

And maybe next time he’ll think …

Police Beat - Nov. 7, 2011

  • Written by Compiled by Maggie Inahara from City of Woodinville Police Reports


A puzzled paddler returned to this car in a hotel lot and found the canoe MIA.  The poached pirogue had been securely locked to the vehicle’s overhead rack prior to the owner’s indoor excursion.

Here’s hoping that the pilferer finds himself up a very large creek without the paddle.


Two employees at a business apparently mistook their office for a boxing ring.

After some floating like butterflies and stinging like bees, a computer printer joined the fracas, delivering a cut to the chin of one of the pugilists.

The match was called at this point, with the uninjured employee being cited for investigation of assault.

The printer remains undefeated.


One of the greatest worries being brought about by the “age of computers” is that proper penmanship will go by the wayside.

This was the case near the Dairy Queen, where a pole had been graffitied in red paint in a manner which was completely undecipherable.

Several interpretations were proffered, but alas, public works crews were on the scene covering up the mysterious message before further analysis could occur.


Have you ever been just so doggoned tired that you decided to turn in right then and there?

This is usually a good idea, unless you happen to be in a store bathroom stall at the time.

Perhaps a sudden urge to slumber wasn’t the proximate cause for the particularly deep state of REM our Mr. Van Winkle was found in.

His failure to respond to the usual sleep busting moves indicated a level of intoxication and incapacitation normally relegated to those imbibers of vast quantities of adult beverages.

Yes, indeed, “Rip” was ripped.

He was taken by ambulance to a Seattle de-tox facility for 40 more winks.