Police Beat - July 2, 2012

  • Written by Compiled by Maggie Inahara from City of Woodinville Police Reports

Chick Magnet

Business owners in the 13300 block of NE 175th called police to report a panhandler drinking beer and approaching females with some moves like Jagger in the parking lot.  The panhandler was identified and asked to take those moves along with his failure to impress elsewhere.

Sometimes, you actually need to BE Jagger to get away with that sort of thing.

How Low Can You Go?

There’s a special place reserved in you-know-where for those who steal from churches. Unknown bottom feeders cut the lock off the garden shed behind a church in the 18900 block of 168th Avenue NE and stole two five-gallon cans of gasoline and the weed eater. No matter how bad the need for whacking those weeds, this crime remains unforgiven.

That’s What You Get for

Yelling in the Park

Citizens called police to report an intoxicated homeless man yelling at people within a park in the 17400 block of 131st Avenue NE. Police contacted him, made him pour out his alcohol and trespassed him from the park. Never cry over spilled beer.

Girl Gone Wild

A business owner confronted a female suspect running from the 19500 block of 144th Avenue NE with tools in her hand and called police, since there is nothing more suspicious than a woman wielding tools. The tools appeared to be stolen from a neighboring business out of an unlocked tool box.  The handywoman wannabe was not found.

Police Beat - June 25, 2012

  • Written by Compiled by Maggie Inahara from City of Woodinville Police Reports

I Want I-Phone

A shopper in the 13900 block of NE 178th Place took her eyes off her shopping cart momentarily, only to find that her I-phone had been spirited away.  Here’s hoping that the thief momentarily enjoyed the two cores in the A5 chip and up to seven times faster graphics with 8 megapixels and all-new optics. A retroactive “I want” would be an I-Phone tracking app.

Ding Dong—Scrounger Calling

An Avon rep in the 15500 block of 135th Place NE discovered that two boxes of Avon products had been stolen from her front porch after the UPS delivery.  Although the pilferer didn’t leave any clues behind, it is assumed that they slithered back into whatever scum-covered body of water from where these bottom feeders live and breed.

Dionysus vs. Ares

A concert-going reveler in a wine-related music venue near NE 145th Street consumed a bit too much fruit of the vine and was overcome by a sudden feeling of talent.  Police attempted to remove him from the stage area, but he refused to follow their fairly simple instructions.  Apparently imbued with intoxicant superpowers, our imbiber managed to kick all attending officers to the ground. The man was placed in a taxi to go home and will be cited for trespassing.

Unintended Presents

A parking lot patron reported his briefcase, computer and cell phone stolen from his unlocked vehicle while parked in the 13900 block of NE 175th Street. Oh, trusting soul, even when you lock it, chances are, you’ll still lose it. Please don’t leave valuables in your car unless you don’t mind “gifting” them to miscreants.

Police Beat - June 18, 2012

  • Written by Compiled by Maggie Inahara from City of Woodinville Police Reports

Yogi Berra Week

Loyal Police Beat readers are going to think I’ve merely taken the recent weeks’ crimes and written them up again, but in reality, it’s Déjà vu, all over again:

Now You See It, Now You Don’t

A trusting individual left his wallet on the table of a bar in the 14300 block of NE 145th Street while he was paying his tab and returned to find that someone had performed a magic disappearing act on it. The magic ended right there, as the magician had exited, stage left, with the reappearance of the wallet not being in the cards.  A nickel ain’t worth a dime anymore …

Liquid Gold Thievery

In another repeat crime, gas thieves pilfered approximately 40 gallons of fuel from two company trucks in the 15000 block of Woodinville-Redmond Road sometime over the weekend. With today’s gas prices, they can probably retire now.  We’re not thanking anyone for making this day necessary.

And It’s a Hat Trick

Repeat crime number three: Unknown suspect(s) entered the victim’s attached garage in the 19300 block of NE 131st Street, pried open the door to the house and stole jewelry, coins and a laptop from inside. A set of encyclopedias was also purportedly taken.  Now the kids will have to walk to school just like their parents did.

It Ain’t Over Till It’s Over

There haven’t been any metal thefts lately, so to add some interest to this week’s report, an enterprising opportunist cut the copper pipes of the refrigeration unit on the outside of a business in the 19700 block of 144th Avenue N.E.  The resulting hiss of the escaping freon must have spooked our thief, as the pipes were not taken. Larceny is 90 percent mental and the other half is physical.

Police Beat - June 11, 2012

  • Written by Compiled by Maggie Inahara from City of Woodinville Police Reports

Bench Warrant

A Woodinville resident reported a 4-foot concrete bench stolen from her property in front of her home in the 16000 block of NE 175th Street. The victim is purportedly installing a Kryptonite barrier to prevent future occurrences of this crime.

Feats of Strength and Thievery

In another incident which indicates a heavy week for crime, unknown suspect(s) stole a ¼-inch thick steel container, weighing about 1 ton from outside a business in the 18700 block of 141st Avenue NE.  Barring anyone turning themselves in for this crime, we’ll have to wait for Festivus for a confession immediately following the Airing of Grievances.

The Color of Crime

A female suspect took colored markers from a store in the 13900 block of Mill Place NE without laying out any green, departing in a blue SUV and leaving store employees seeing red. Our black-hearted thief should no longer expect the gray welcome mat at this particular retail outlet.

Passing Gas

The victim business in the 14100 block of NE 186th Street reported a white Ford truck with a 30 gallon tank on the back stealing fuel from company vehicles. When employees arrived to work, they observed the truck passing by with their purloined petroleum onboard, but were unable to identify the stealthy scrounger.  This business has had fuel thefts in the past, but hopefully, this too shall pass.

Police Beat - June 4, 2012

  • Written by Compiled by Maggie Inahara from City of Woodinville Police Reports

Off Their Rockers

Police responded to the report of two suspicious men in the parking lot of a business in the 14000 block of Woodinville-Duvall Road attempting to contact elderly people.  It wasn’t a setup for some prank reality show, as the two were identified as magazine sales persons.  They were given the boot from the store property and I guess we’ll never know why they were targeting old people. Where is Betty White when you need her?

Grande Cojones

A budding entrepreneur sold a used bicycle at a business in the 13200 block of NE 175th Street and decided to take a baseball bat as his bonus on the way out of the store.

Feeling like he was on a roll, he returned to the store with another used bicycle for sale but was somehow received with less enthusiasm by the staff, due to his prior involuntary gratuity.

When confronted about the stolen bat, the suspect gave it back.

“Batman” needs to clean up his act.

Pool Shark vs. Land Shark

While keeping her eye on the corner pocket at a pool venue in the 12800 block of NE 175th Street, a shyster was keeping an eye on her wallet which had been left on the counter at the bar.

When the last shot dropped, our victim’s heart also dropped as she realized her wallet had been snatched and spirited away.  Never trust a smiling shark.

No Rest for the Wicked

A woman returned to her car in the 14700 block of NE 145th Street to find her car window broken and her purse and other personal belongings stolen from inside.

The thief wasted no time in capitalizing on the ill-gotten gains by using two of her credit cards almost immediately in Kirkland.

What do you want to bet that this pilferer doesn’t pursue their honest activities so expeditiously?