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Farmers Market
Sept. 30: A property owner requested the assistance of Woodinville Police when she realized that some squatters had made themselves a little too comfortable on a property she owned.
The woman told officers that no one was supposed to be living at the property. Nevertheless, evidence of unwanted guests was clear, so she gave the officers the key to the house enabling them to look into the matter. Their search of the home revealed a budding, and unlawful, agricultural enterprise in an upstairs room, among other violations.
A member of this pastoral cooperative made an untimely arrival during the officers’ inspection.
While seated in his vehicle, Farmer Fred admitted to living there, although he alleged he was in the process of moving out and that his helping hands had already departed for greener pastures. Fred was understandably nervous, but agreed to step from his vehicle, which allowed the officer speaking to him to smell the very distinctive odor of a green vegetable matter emanating from his person. (He also managed to misplace a portion of said matter during the interaction, which another officer helpfully located and identified.)
Despite his friendly, easygoing manner, Fred showed his true colors by leaving a firearm on one of the front seats of the vehicle, an item forbidden to him thanks to a felonious history. Fred was put out to a pasture all his own, commonly known as “jail.”
Insensitive
Oct. 9: An officer observed a vehicle parked in an area designated for disabled individuals, although it was evident that the vehicle was ineligible for this accommodation.
Curious to know what motivated such self-serving behavior, the officer spoke to the driver of the vehicle. The man claimed that he was “just” dropping off his son and would be leaving soon.
Before the officer could say anything additional, the man pulled away. But the officer had more thoughts to share with the man, and pulled him over to continue their discourse.
The officer requested the standard documents from the driver, but found that the man had only an identification card, rather than a driver’s license. (Nor did he have liability insurance.)
The man admitted that the license had been suspended for his failure to pay tickets he had accumulated, alleging that he was “too poor” to do so. The officer added insult to injury by adding a few more citations to the man’s tab. The wonders of Sound Transit await!
Blood Drive
Oct. 8: Employees at a Woodinville business were distressed to find a DNA disaster at their place of work following a break-in that had occurred during the night.
An unknown suspect used a ladder on site to gain access to the second story of the business.
He entered the owner’s office by breaking a window and climbing through.
Evidently, this process caused him great injury, a fact that would give most seasoned criminals pause, lest they involuntarily provide law enforcement with evidence of such remarkable identifying capabilities.
But no amount of blood loss stopped this burglar. His journey through the office was marked by various drops and smears, as well as small pools where he paused to fumble with cords and cables connected to the computers he stole. At the end of his journey, the man appeared to struggle with a locked door of the business and chose to smash another window to make his exit.
The unhappy trail of gore came to an end in the parking lot, where the man likely left the scene in a vehicle. Woodinville Police took advantage of the man’s generous donation and collected samples for evaluation.
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