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Nobel Peace Prize 2010?
Oct. 7: Woodinville officers were dispatched to an apartment complex on report of an assault. The “victim,” Abel, told officers that his friend Baker, accompanied by Charlie, had come to his residence and sprayed him with pepper spray, temporarily blinding him. When asked for a potential motive for his friend’s animus, Abel said that Baker had not liked him for a long time. While the officers were there, Baker called Abel’s residence, not realizing his friend had company. An officer picked up the phone to hear Baker make crude reference to the discharge of pepper spray. When the officer identified himself, Baker discontinued the conversation abruptly. An officer later contacted Charlie to learn more details about the incident. Charlie said he and Baker had gone to Abel’s house to play video games earlier in the evening, during which time Abel and Baker were argumentative with one another. Things reached a climax when Abel punched Baker and fighting ensued. Charlie broke up the altercation; he and Baker departed soon thereafter at Abel’s request. When Baker was contacted, he confirmed Charlie’s story and conceded that he had used pepper spray on Abel. Baker bore signs of injury, but did not want to press charges. Police told Abel what they had learned and he was greatly dismayed. He claimed that Baker had really “punched himself.” When told he too could face assault charges, Abel became irate. “What, now I can’t defend myself in my own home,” he fumed. He blamed Baker for starting the fight, but the officer pointed out the discrepancies between their stories, causing Abel to become quiet and retreat into his own thoughts. The next day, Abel contacted police to tell them that the disagreement had been amicably settled. Specifically, he told officers that the two would rather be friends than enemies and neither wished to pursue charges in the matter.
Goo Gone
Oct. 8: On this laid back afternoon, a Woodinville officer observed a vehicle blocking traffic to a freeway onramp, forcing other vehicles to use another lane to get around him. In his own lackadaisical way, the driver eventually proceeded; the officer followed. The driver, with a newfound burning intensity, tailgated the vehicle ahead of him, causing an obvious hazard should there be an incident requiring a sudden stop. Then the driver sealed his fate by committing what is certainly among the most irritating of moving violations: failure to signal before changing lanes. After pulling the driver over, the officer went to speak to the man, only to smell something bearing a strong resemblance to a green vegetable matter. This was the officer’s first point of inquiry, but the man denied having any such substance in his car. He reluctantly complied with a request to step from his car, at which time he decided to confirm the officer’s suspicion by handing over his supply of said matter. This was confiscated along with glass smoking instruments besmirched by a sticky, dark residue.
Unfunded Mandate
Sept. 24: A woman at a Woodinville grocery store was detained after attempting to conceal 1.18 pounds of a well-known brand of jelly beans in her purse. She told police that although she had the money to purchase the candy, she did not wish to do it with her own money. Whose money would be better suited for this purchase was never clarified; to date there are no known government subsidies to offset such painful expenditures.
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