Police Beat - Oct. 24, 2011

  • Written by Compiled by Maggie Inahara from City of Woodinville Police Reports


A recent pirating of the usual booty of easily re-sellable metal parts and pieces turned truly maritime when the plunderer’s attention was turned to Davy Jones’s locker on the poop deck out back.

The scallywag found the treasure he was looking for in the form of frozen salmon and halibut. He used his sea legs to make a quick getaway with the doubloons and finny prey, apparently avoiding a keelhaul for the time being.


A thief who may have rocked a mullet at a particularly fragile time in his life (not that there was ever a good time) apparently took his revenge out on three salons in a row by smashing the glass in front and making off with cash, computer equipment and hair style magazines. Although there’s a burgeoning industry of counseling for those who are clownishly coiffed (I think there’s even an app for that), our Tennessee Top Hat man took the low road.  Remember: No matter how bad the do, they can fix it for you.


A miserable miscreant lashed out at the most revered of all school property: the playground equipment.

As if the general destruction of landscape timbers and rebar wasn’t enough, our salacious saboteur decided to festoon the recreation area with relics of a reproductive nature, both feminine and masculine.  No doubt, these objects caused inquiring young minds to coerce parental units into a dialogue they may or may not be quite ready for.

With students, school officials and now parents all distressed with this revolting development, one has to wonder what could make it worse?

How about a sick signature in the form of body secretions most disgusting?

May you stand in the corner for eternity, getting whacked on the head with a ruler.  (Courtesy of Bothell PD)


Time for one more Top Ten List, this one from the annals of things NOT to do when you have an outstanding warrant.

Coming in at number four: Lurk around school buildings, peering into windows in a suspicious manner.

Woodinville Police contacted the peeping perp at his residence, whereupon he was transferred to the Redmond PD on their warrant.  The ’rithmetic, reading and writing was on the wall for this furtive fellow.

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