The Biggest Loser
It’s hard enough to get motivated to go to the gym — what possibly could be less inspiring than having your purse containing your phone, money and keys stolen out of your locker while you’re working up that sweat?
Although there are currently no suspects, one has to hope that if someone is eventually caught, they are sentenced to 500 continuous hours of Sweatin’ to the Oldies, wearing candy-striped Dolfin shorts and tank tops decorated with Swarovski crystals.
I’ll take a cheeseburger, fries and a nap
Maybe it was a turkey burger with tryptophan which caused such sudden sleepiness in the lass found napping by police in a local fast food establishment.
It could have been a simple case of mistaken identity whereby the booth bore a striking resemblance to her bed at home. It definitely wasn’t the aroma of Thanksgiving emanating from her person, but an odor familiar to those well-schooled in the essence of illegal botanical substances.
A simple inquiry confirmed that our Z-logger was indeed in possession of a small amount of the greenish ganja, but not to worry. This actually belonged to her boyfriend, and she was merely holding it for him. Our “mari” miss was arrested, fingerprinted and cited for possession.
Before He Cheats
Right then, he was probably slow dancing
With a bleached-blond tramp
She was probably getting frisky.
Right then, he was probably buying
Her some fruity little drink
‘Cause she couldn’t shoot whiskey.
And he don’t know:
That she poured paint and scratched up all the sides of his pretty little souped-up 4-wheel drive.
Spread dog poopy all up and down the outside door where the car could be found.
(O.K., the tune ends here)
The deputy’s investigation located a female suspect who later admitted to the crime. She was fingerprinted and released with pending felony malicious mischief charges.
And maybe next time he’ll think …