Ingenious and subtle plan for solving social funding crises

social funding One must congratulate the Republicans for the ingenious and subtle plan they have for solving the coming Social Security and Medicare crises.
   The secret plan is simplicity itself, and yet, will anyone notice?
   The plan is to lower the expected life span to below or around 65 years so that few will live to collect Social Security or be enrolled in Medicare.
   How will that happen?
   In the guise of saving money they will cut or eliminate funds for programs that have contributed to an increase in our longevity.
   Stop all this nonsense about clean air. Breathing dirty air should increase the fatalities due to lung disease, asthma, emphysema and lung cancer.
   Certainly don't allow citizens to know the composition of the poisonous gases emitted by nearby factories and refineries. We can all enjoy a tragedy like the one in Bhopal, India, where a few hundred died.
   Cut funds for keeping our water supply clean. A few episodes like the Milwaukee one should certainly lower life expectancy.
   Sewage treatment, who needs it? Let us do as our honored fathers did: Dump it in the nearest waterway. Maybe we can bring back typhoid as one of the hazards of being alive. Wouldn't a cholera epidemic be exciting? Few victims would live to collect Social Security.
   And for heaven's sake, don't forget the toxic waste dumps. Ignore them, and especially don't make the innocent polluters contribute to the cost of remediation.
   Almost every community could then boast of a Love Canal.
   Our food supply is obviously too clean. Should not we do as our grandfathers did? Eat a peck of dirt before dying and a little e-coli and assorted manures thrown in for good measure.
   Cut funds for meat inspection. What is a little rotten meat now and then? Just add more cayenne pepper.
   How about a few pesticides? Cut funds for inspection and analyses. What you don't know can't hurt you.
   Who believes that teenagers are smoking more and getting hooked at an early age? Great, lung cancer will get them before they can enroll in Medicare.
   Don't cut subsidies to our starving tobacco farmers and processors. Subsidize the overseas sales of tobacco product. We don't want to deprive others of the joy of lung cancer and assorted tobacco caused diseases.
   And what about nutrition and health services for the newborn whose parents are destitute? Forget it. With good planning we can get our infant mortality rate to correspond to an impoverished nation of central Africa. We are already 22 down on the list.
   Eliminate food stamps and support for food banks. Oh, the money we will save so that we can cut taxes for the underprivileged wealthy.
   Maybe they will be able to enjoy Social Security and Medicare.

Archie Wilson, Edmonds